Thursday, April 30, 2009

What I'm Overweight, Oh my God I didnt Know!!!!!!!

My 11 year old newphew took this photo last year. I thought he did pretty good. He was so excited, I said here take my camera and go get some pictures. I have about 40 of the farm cats, but he did a very good job.

It is funny what a word of encouragement can do. It can turn a bad day into a good one, it can make you more productive, definately happier, more challenged etc.

I have to say I had a meltdown yesterday. I have a Chronic Illness and have had this for six years. one of the things about it is that it is an invisible disability. It is mainly controlled by medications. In about six years I have gained about 40 lbs....yes it is alot but I am so immobile that I have trouble getting rid of....Now the thing is I have always been a plus size woman....but I take real offense when someone says....if Cinner lost weight she might be healthy and be able to go back to work. If only it were that simple. Why is it that when you are overweight some people see you as fat and lazy? I worked right up until I could no longer function as I was falling all the time....Now its not the fat opn my body that causes that to happen. So far there is no cure, so for somebody to say lose weight and you will be [perfectly fine frosts my ass. Thier I have finally swore on my blog....26 years of working in management to not working was hard enough but having people you thought care about you talk behind your back about it makes me crazy....I have a friend and she says cinner you are responsible for how people treat you...I know she is right, I am gonna have to put an end to this as it is nothing but upsetting for me. If this person really cared she would learn about my condition. AND is age a reason to be rude....or saying, well she is old, just let it slide.....I usually an okay with this but it has been going on for about six years now and I am venting....but think I am going to explode one of these days. If you have any suggestions. I would love any advise you could give me, and yes I pray for the strength to still be kind to this woman, but I am finding it rather difficult....Lord wasn't this a fun read today. Sorry, I guess everyonce in a while we have a bad day...they really make us appreciate the good ones. Take Care, Be Kind to Others!


  1. Hi beautiful Cinner... sorry to read that you are feeling hurt.
    There's a dickhead in every crowd no matter what their age and we all get a turn at being the dickhead sometimes too :-)
    I hope you are feeling back to your cheerful self soon and I love the photo of the lone tulip that your nephew has taken.
    Best wishes Ribbon x

  2. Okay, first, don't apologize for what you decide to share with us here. If we don't want to hear it, we can move on. But, that would be like saying we only want to know part of you, and for most of us, such is not the case.

    Next, I'm glad that you swore, I'm glad that you ranted, I'm glad that you said what you are feeling because that makes you a Real Human Being.

    Next, don't apologize for feeling hurt and frustrated. Feelings aren't facts, they're feelings. Facts can be argued, feelings can't. You feel them till they're gone or if you don't they keep circling about attempting to get your attention.

    I can so relate to this notion of being a fat woman. I can. But, those who aren't fat, don't struggle with the problem just see it as a weakness that could be controlled if only we weren't so lazy and undiciplined. For most of us round goddesses, nothing could be further from the truth. And, most would be shocked if they saw how little we eat and still hold this shape.

    Cinner, ignorance comes in the form of small minds that hold even smaller thoughts. It lives in tiny hearts that are not able to 'see' the beauty of each individual instead of looking at the packaging.

    And, I have no words of wisdom to make the sting go away. Or help with the loss of your professional identity, other than to mirror back your kind words when I was writing about my own struggle with this exact same issue.

    I only know you as the woman you are now, not the woman you used to be in a suit or in an office. I know this Cinner. And, I like her gentle kind ways. Her attempts to discover who she is now instead of who she used to be.

    I like her very much. And, I hope today, we can remind you of that. Because we see the truth and beauty in you. Trust me, that has absolutely nothing to do with the numbers that exist on a scale.

    Proceed with a joyful heart and know that all will be well.

    Hugging You!

  3. To start with...what the hell are you doing blogging at 2 am!!

    It sounds like you need to have a convo with whoever it is (and I have a guess or two) letting them know what you heard. Let them know that you are surprised that after all this time they feel that way and hand them a list of a couple of websites they can visit to get more info.

    I wouldn't try and change their mind though Lady Jane, you'll just come off as defensive. Hopefully they will take the time to read the sites you give them and realize for themselves that your weight is not a significant factor in your illness.

    You know what I think about TOXIC people lady...this person might be one of them.

  4. Thanks Ribbon for your kind words....I laughed at the dickhead in every crowd...and I guess your right. I am feeling much better this am already. nothing like a good night sleep to get you strong again.

  5. Holly, your right I am a round goddess. lol. I wish some people could see the world through your eyes. It would be a much kinder world. I cried when i read your comment. You take so much time, and it shows me what a wonderful person you are. I had a good sleep so I am stronger today...thanks for being a great friend.

  6. It has been a long time since you called me Lady Jane...What was i doing at 2 am, well I could not sleep. I was in bed since 9 and did sleep for about 5 and a half....Yes the toxic one has visited at your yes you know her. today I can handle it though although the sting is still there. I am going to take your advise....You are laughing on the floor now....because you always say I don't. You have no idea how much your words mean to me, my bestest friend. a big hug today...How is boogie/////

  7. dust in the wind ... you know, these stoopid comments or gossipy pinpricks get in your eyes, you shed a few tears, then a gentle rain comes (like Holly's comment) and cleanses it all away. As I told Holly, I will tell you now -- I am an angular, tall, bony wench with glorified nipples for boobage and absolutely the flattest ass in the free world. All my life I've wanted to be a round goddess. Not all skinny people look at round goddesses and draw nasty conclusions. Some of us feel inadequate and jealous ... also, at 2 AM, everything gets overtaken by dark shadows, so not always the best time for assessments, particularly the emotional kind!!! YOU ARE LOVED, MY WOMAN!!! Just the way you are ...

  8. you are so right that just one word of encouragement can change someone's day.

    and I just want to encourage you to keep talking about this subject and educate people. You can be a light to show them how to be more compassionate by sharing your story.

  9. Toni you made me laugh my ass off with your description of yourself...and yes 2 am I should be sound asleep . Thank you Toni, and your right not all people come to the same conclusion and at 45 I should know this and do know it...I just gotta remember it.Your round goddess friend, Cinner

  10. Thankk you Brandi, I will keep talking and trying to educate people. I am truly blessed for all the kind words I have had in blogland today.

  11. Boogster is is a total AssHat (grrr) and you know how I feel about THAT woman. Although I am curious to know who told you she was saying those things. Cause they could possibly be talked to about pots and not stirring them.

    love ya long time

  12. I have been plus size all my life. There will always be people who are idiots. Always! I always thank God that I am me, and not them!
    BTW- hello beautiful!
    ; )

  13. Your a darlin christina. I have been plus size all my life too. your right there always will be idiots. thanks for stopping by.


Thank you for taking the time to leave me a comment. I value your opinion and your friendship.