Friday, June 26, 2009
Amazing Women,,,Holly and Toni and many nore
So before I came to blogland I was not too sure on what to expect or why I even wanted to have a blog....but I thought it could be something for me to do when I was having a bad day and could not physically do anything else.Blogland has been much more for me than I had expected. ,The biggest surprise for me is the wonderful caring, kind, giving, understanding people that I have encountered. For some it has been an instant connection...When I went home when my Dad became ill, I missed my morning visits with everyone. I was so busy I had to put blogland on hold for a little while. When I came back home after the funeral, I was overwhelmed by the kindness that has been shown to me...on the comments, a beautiful letter from Toni and today I came home and I had the most beautiful card made from Holly. The card was so Holly, it was homemade, beautiful and stamped with a rory and fiona stamp look alike, her name was signed, the words were beautiful.I guess I have been so touched that these lovely ladies whom I have never had the pleasure of meeting have touched my heart in a way that I can not describe. They were both so thoughtful, the people in their lives are truly blessed. they and others have been my pillars of strength. I Have been holding back my feelings about my Dad, but find I cry about the weirdest things. Example my husband came home with a chocolate homemade pie. In ten years he has never come home with a chocolate pie, I looked at it burst into tears and said This is Dads favorite pie....now why that would set me off I just don't know....Today when I opened Hollys card I had myself a cry, a good cry...I did not feel quite alone as i did earlier in the day...I find I laugh with you, care for you, want health issues to be okay, want you to get jobs, i learn new words like conker, watch your artistic talents be it writing, drawing, painting, photograpy and I can relate to you my friends!I have lots of friends here but they sometimes seem so busy, I tend to put up wall that oh no I am just fine! not tonight, I miss him horribly, we all do, we are all grieving in different ways. Almost a month has gone by and I can't seem to shake that he was right here just a while ago...I have not had many people in my life die. I sure hope I get a grip on these emotions soon or someone is gonna think .....well cinner finally lost it!!!And then I think big fn deal, I can if I need to right....My dad would want us all to be so strong.... Most days I am, but sometimes at night all I see is them doing cpr on him and he was just purple and there was nothing we could do, and it just hit me now...for a control freak I guess I did not do such a good job controlling the situation did I???? Everyone says it gets easier....does anyone know when....Isn't pleasant reading my posts....really makes you want to come back for more....Sorry, better get some sleep...Thankyou all for your kindness. Big Hug to Toni and Holly and Beth cause I was so happy for her today. Goodnight all.