Saturday, June 20, 2009

My Dad

This is a picture I did of my Dad on paint from the Computer...It's about 80 % accurate. I guess it might be to early to draw him....I wanted to talk about him this fathers day.

It seems so strange today that on Sunday mornig I will get up and would always start my day calling my Dad to wish Him a Happy Fathers Day!...He hated talking on the phone and always did. We would talk about the weather and the cattle, what was new in town. He would always ask when I would be home next. I would ask him about the crops, his dog. Eventually I would tell him I loved him and he would tell me...He never used to do that but in about the last fifteen years it was getting easier. He was born in 1935 and lived until May 30, 2009. My Mom and Dad were married for 47 years....He was a farmer and his father farmed as well as his father....I think that farming gets in your blood. Nothing made him happier than listening to it rain, or showing a rainbow to his children, or the smell of fresh air after a rain. My Dad loved to feed the birds, especially the humming birds, canaries and yellow finch, chickadees and many more. One thing about our family we had 3 meals together every day. we always had that time together!He was a man stronger than an ox, he was our protector, he was our provider, he was our guidance, he could be tempermental but there was always a lesson. One thing I remember most about my father were his hands, they were huge and we just felt loved and protected. Occasionally trouble would brew and we would just let him simmer down. There was never any doubt that he loved us. He had high expectations of us. He instilled us with our values, beliefs, strong personalities, etc. He also taught us life lessons, that you cant keep all the cows for pets, that there are consequences when you lock up a badger in the chicken coop.One of his things was the later we were out...if we missed curfew well then the sooner we got up. My grandfather died approximately 25 years ago. EVERY day Dad would go for a visit at his Moms, get her mail, have a coffee and make sure she was okay. He was a good man. He farmed until the end except for the last couple days. Not everyone can say they did what they wanted, he did. His love for nature and outdoors, his family, his animals made his life very rich and rewarding.....

This year I will tell him I love him. I will tell him how glad I am that he is no longer in pain. I will tell him how we are taking good care of Buster. I will tell him for the most part Mom is doing okay. I will tell him how much I miss him. I would tell him how blessed I was to have him as my Dad! I would forgive and forget any disagreements or dissapointments...I would sit and hold his hand and there would be just a moment when we both knew that we are all okay, and just for a moment our lives would be as they should be, as they were......I don't have my Dad,,,,but I have my memories....they seem to grow stronger everyday.....All I know is that I really really miss him! Cherish all the moments you can spend with friends, family, loved ones....Some day you will probably feel like there just was not enough time. Forget the small talk, tell them what is really important!.........IF ONLY, there were just once more.


  1. Cinner, my Dad has been gone closing in on 20 years now. I will tell you that the notion that he is gone from my Human senses never gets easier. I so miss the sound of his voice. But, it doesn't hurt like it did if that makes any sense.

    Instead, I feel like he is very close to me now, and only a thought away. For, the reality is, that all of us are held safely in a loved one's thoughts...that's where we all really live.

    And, now you carry your big, burly, farmer father tucked inside of you. What a miracle.

    Happy Father's Day, Cin, I wish you the peace of a summer day and the joy in a life and love well returned.

  2. Thanks Holly...Have a great weekendd....sorry about your Dad been gone so long ago. take care, cinner

  3. I'm sorry honey - the firsts are always so hard. Just continue to pray for the strength to get through these and I'm glad you're doing things like this to honor him. Great job on the painting.

  4. wonderful it is to have someone who in their dark hours reaches out through time and space to say the things...again....she has said for so many years and ways to someone she dearly loved and respected. Your father was a "mountain" for sure. he stands behind you and at your beck and call for eternity whispering words of encouragement for all you wish.....that is a fact of our infinite nature.
    Know it to be true as true as the love you hold out to him.

  5. To my sister every word you wrote was like every thought i had this morning. It is amazing how we can feel so much the same. I am trying to be strong as mom is here and even for my boys. I still feel like it is maybe all a bad dream and i will wake up and things will be as they once were. For a long while now i have been living with the thought that you have to enjoy every day so i am just going to keep that thought in mind as we really don't know when our last day will be. So everyday i will enjoy the small stuff keep the people i love close. One of those people is you, i love you dearly and am blessed to have a sister like you. Dad would be so proud of the way you speak of him and the love in your heart. I write this with tears pouring down my face but i am thinking of listening to the rain on dads truck roof with him and watching the rain run down the windshield. Love you more than you know.

  6. Well just great now I am blubbering these emotions, I think maybe I should be in menopause or something...I love you too Laurie, we will get through this, you know that...Dad is very close to us...wain said he is probably in heaven learning how to play golf with harry. I said, he knows how to play golf, he is probably kicking Harrys ass.Anyway whatever get us through. I am here for you when you need me, even when you don't. cindy

  7. You could have been describing my Grandpa Andy, also a farmer -- my gosh, the parallels. Your Dad rose up in front of my eyes as I read this ... bittersweet, joy & sadness, you've captured the humanity of this experience, but really it shows that someone is never really 'gone' (as in erased) ... he looks so like a man I'd see in the Nebraska hometown bar where my grandpa lived, eating a stuffed pork chop and talking about corn prices. Man.


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