Thursday, July 30, 2009


Good day, sorry this picture is a little fuzzy. I wanted to show it as it was taken at the farm in June when we were all home for the funeral. It is hard to imagine that 2 months have passed by so quickly. Dad used to sit and watch all the birds, they of course got way more than I ever had...I guess the woes of living in a city. I loved to sit in the veranda with him and watch. They are so tiny, so beautiful, and intensly fast. Sometimes there would be about 5 or 6 and you would see them dive at one another. I can not tell you how many times over the years that we have watched the birds together....Today I just felt lost, I miss him so bad. I wonder how long it will take to not expect him to come around the corner, or how long it will take to forget his last few hours. Today I just felt sick because I can't remember how he smelt...This is ridiculous, because every year at Christmas he would get cologne, and he would always laugh that we all must think he stinks! We would all laugh together. In hindsight how many bottles of Old Spice should one man have. It is funny but as I was writing this I remembered...Old Spice! And a part of me feels a little better. "Memory is the treasury and guardian of all things!" by Cicero. For now he stays with me! Right now, for now anyway, I am once again okay.


  1. I think that the thought that you have forgotten aspects of someone that you love is just Gods way of helping you remember lots of amazing things. Suddenly you start to remember everything, not just the one thing that was bugging you in the first place. The mind is amazing and powerful and all of those memories will remain in it forever, all it takes is a small trigger to bring it all back to you.

  2. I can't smell Old Spice without thinking of my Dad, Cinner. And, sometimes, just after he was gone, I would go to the store and open a sample bottle so I could smell him. Go buy one and have it on hand for that necessary Dad lift when you need it.

    Sweet Heart, there will never be a time when you won't walk around a corner and expect to see him. But, there will come a time when it won't hurt so that you don't. And, you learn to shift your eyes to new ways of 'seeing' him. That takes time in the meantime, share him with us here and we'll sit with you while you visit with him. And, he with us.

    Hugs to you today, my sweet friend.

  3. I remember buying old spice for my dad too. :)

    I'm sending you tons of warm hugs

  4. My dear sister, i read your blog and all these things came rushing back. I remember dad saying the same thing to me as he opened his old spice. I too cannot get those last few hours of his out of my mind. I still sit sometimes and think there must have been a terrible mistake because i felt like he was not ready to go, it still bothers me and i think always will. I think the best thing to do those is live our life to the best, enjoy the small things don't waste time, i think Dad would have wanted that, he would want us all to be happy and enjoy our lives. I love you and will talk soon.

  5. C-Woman ... a big hug. BIG one. Ever since I saw the movie 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,' when I see hummingbirds now I say, 'Goodnight, Benjamin.' Maybe you could say, "Hello, Dad" -- ? and smile, thru your tears maybe, but still smile.

  6. Char,Holly,Eternally Distracted, Thankyou...I am thinking we could do a commercial for old spice. you know through this I am remembering all these things that I had forgotten about.

    Penquin, I am sorry if this made you cry. I have not been saying much to you as we are both so likely to crumble, and you were on your holidays and I try to be positive for everyone...Just the odd time I feel like I want to scream. Maybe we can do it together when you come to see me. love you, c

  7. Toni, I have not seen that movie yet, I will have to watch it....Today is a good day.Big Hug

  8. Memories are a powerful and wonderful thing..hold them as close to your heart as you can. If you at times struggle with a smell or a a bottle of Old Spice and every once in a while open the lid Cinner and take a deep breath. You will be amazed at what floods your mind...all good of course.

    Crista Xo

  9. I love the little bird! And Old Spice! What a memory.
    I'm sorry that you miss him so bad. You will always have the part that matters most - the "invisible" part - the part of him you really loved.
    That, my friend, is yours to keep - The Love!

  10. I love the birie too, there are other songs to on my playlist at the very bottom. Another one of birds too. Anne the invisible part The love for me to keep is yours...that hit a nerve, it is a very nice thought.

    crista I thought of that and thought maybe someone would think I was crazy if I did that,,,then I thought who cares what others think! Ocassionally sanity strikes. lol

  11. oh sweetie...
    your memories of him will live on forever and if you each time you think about him there is a little sadness mixed with a smile of how wonderful he was...well, then that's a perfect blend of feelings....

    when I smell grandmother, who has been gone for 21 years, comes to my mind immediately and that's a grand memory !


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