Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Who Says There Not Mine!

It is funny how when reading others blogs , suddenly you can be thinking of the same thing.
You may want to have a visit with Char over at Ramblins, It is on my Blog list.
These are the thoughts she triggered.

At seventeen I remember going to a doctor and was told I would never have children.
Quite devastating even for a girl of seventeen who had not even thought about having kids,
I remember walking through the parking lot walking to the car and I was informing my Mom,
that how could they possibly know that, that it was not in their hands to decide, that only God knew for sure!
I just remember being furious, that this just sucked.
I never really talked about it, just if it ever came up, oh no I had never wanted kids!
Oh no I was too cool for kids! Yes you read that right!
I was married, he had a daughter before that he never saw,
And in all reality he could have cared less!
We did try fertility drugs, that became too hard filled by disapointment time and again.
So for other reasons we divorced and I was thankful I did not have children!
This way I had a clean brake and no ties to him.
I married again ten years later, this time to a man that was eleven years older than me!
We discussed children and we both felt by this time we were too old and set in our ways and our lifestyle.
Three years later I got sick, and now I was thankful because I did not know how I could have taken care of a child, when I was having so much difficulty taking care of me.
So life has a way of working out, for reasons sometimes we never know!
I am grateful to my two sisters that enabled me to be a big part in their childrens lifes!
I am grateful for when my niece and newphew came and told me that their Mom would have a baby for me.
I guess they had a family meeting, and it was so matter of fact that this would be!
I was so surpriseed how there little minds worked, but they wanted Aunt Cindy to be happy!
And these two little gaffers are my little kids anyway,
even though they are all grown up.
My other sister has two boys,
And she would often phone for me to talk to,
Because for some strange reason they would listen to me!
They would draw on the sheets and blame me,
What these four children did was work their way into my heart,
I can not imagine that I would have loved my own children more than them.
I also have a godchild and I got to be a part of her birth,
It was amazing, scary and loud!
And now there is a place for her in my heart.
There are also nieces and newphews on my husbands side, most were full grown when I became a part of the family!
There is room for them as well,
For the lovely three children that at one time lived next door,
And were here as often as they could!
Bless their little souls, they just needed someone to love them,
To have someone to hug and play and praise them!
And I know there will be room for anymore that venture this way.
My younger sister says, it takes more than parents to raise a child,
It takes a whole village!
How truly grateful and blessed I am!


  1. Having never had my own, either, Cinner I can so relate tot these feelingss of yours. The truth of it all. Some of us are meant to be mother to a handful, while others like you and me are meant to be mother to many, many, many!

    We are blessed in different ways, but blessed all the same. And, yes, our Life always does work out in the best way for us, although at various times it's hard to have faith that it does.

    Last night, I had the most wonderful dream. A knock came on my front door, and when I opened it, there you stood! You came in and we had the most wonderful visit. You told me you had driven all the way and couldn't stay long but wanted me to know that you felt I needed to be doing more with my talents and that I didn't know how truly talented I was so you had come all that way to remind me.

    And with that, you gave me a kiss and said you had to go, the drive was long and you had to get moving as your, ready for this? Your Father was waiting to have tea with you and you didn't want to keep him waiting.

    Gee, Cinner, it was wonderful to visit with you. I can still feel your hug and kiss on my cheek all these waking hours later.

  2. Hello Cinner, you are a wonderful woman with a lot of love to give! You represent love that regrettably some people never have to give themselves and you put it out there! I think you are amazing!! ((Big Hugs)))

  3. loving the children belonging to others is a huge gift....a blessing for everyone involved....a huge blessing !!

  4. Oh Holly, I know you understand these feelings and you have many in your life as well.

    What a great dream, I would of had to have the chaffeur bring me...no I don't have one, but I can't drive with Cataplexy....but hey it was your dream so all was good. I would love to come for a visti, and it is funny you say that about your talents, because you are very talented, don't doubt yourself! After my visit I would have loved to have gone to see my Dad, That would have been wonderful. Here is to many more dreams! And sometimes they do come true. I will have to win a lottery, get a passport, but all is possible. bIG hUG, SO glad to hear from you today. They are mailing me out a new modem as aparently in two weeks mine that I have is discontinued, so I should be able to come back on your , claires and sarahs blogs. Big Hug

    Claire, your a darlin for saying that, if your wondeing why I have not been around lately it is because I can't get onto your blog, so glad you came for a visit. take care.

    Beth, i could not have said that any better. YOU are awesome with children, I see that in your photos. Your a gem.

  5. Cinner, what a beautiful post....I just know you are an amazing mother to all the children who come into your life and touch your heart.. have a great day.......:-) Hugs

  6. Blessings like you deserve hugs... I know the good Lord will give you your sincere desires coz you well deserve them.

  7. i know you are a really cool aunt and you know that is a comfort to parents to know that their kid looks up to and can talk with auntie any time!


    This is such a beautiful and heartfelt writing of some f your powerful truths. And such a 'gift' offered for your sister to carry a baby for you. I yelped when I read it.
    ANd yet it is true that you are surrounded by children and that YOU make a wonderful difference in their lives - YOU are writing chapters of their story. :-) There are so many ways tp 'parent' - and to give life - you are living proof.

    Love and admiration to you

  9. Gail, you always say the nicest things, they are all great to me too. take care, hope you are well. c

    Elk, I don't know what I would do if they were not in my love, my sisters and their children.

    Sashindoubtsu, God has already given me all my desires, sometimes I just don't know it yet.

    Bernie, your so kind, I hope you have a great day, we are supposed to have plus 14, you and I will be dancing in the streets. lol

  10. You have so much love to give and those children are blessed to have you in their lives as an Aunt. I can only imagine how painful it is for women to want kids but not be able to have their own understandably this can lead some women to withdraw from people who have children and become negative. You however have embraced your sisters children and have played a huge part in their up bring and that is very special.

  11. Hi Liss, thanks, I had a time where I questioned why some people can get pregnant by blinking,,,lol, if I think thats all it takes, now we both know why I did not. lol. I have had my hard times with it, but I have learned that whom am I to question this. Things have a way of working out. I worked with children in the Gift of Sight program, that was a wonderful experience, there have been many. Hope you are well, glad your back. Take care.

  12. God does work in His own way and we just have to accept that it's the best thing for us at the time. Funny how He provides for us anyway in a different way than we had planned! :)
    My daughter is currently struggling with the fertility thing...please say a prayer for her!
    Blessings to you!


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