Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Facing My Future.

All day today I was thinking of my Doctors appointment yesterday.
Nothing serious, when you have a chronic condition,
and are unable to do previous things,
and you slowly see yourself
becoming more and more out of shape.
He suggested that I try Acquasize.
Now with a person with Cataplexy
the last place I am going into is a pool.
I basically asked him if I have a Cataplexy spell,
How long do you think it would take me to drown.
I understand about the water and how good it would be on my legs etc.
I told him I was trying to do what I could.
Once I was home I laid down,
my husband went out for some errands,
and I was resting on the couch,
almost in the dark.
Soon I was fast asleep.
My dream starts over at the Clinic,
As I walk into the building,
we were to be doing physical activities,
I swear everyone was working out, lifting weights,
doing all the machines, etc.
I was leaning up against a wall.
I was exhausted from the long corridor.
He saw me struggling.
I asked him if that was the class for the program I am in.
Oh yes, I told him I would love to do all those things,
but standing upright was a little difficult.
He said Come with me.
So we go to the next room,
He told me that right through that door,
amazing things would happen.
So I walked out the door, the fresh air felt wonderful,
and I started to walk, the first block was very hard,
and then suddenly I had more energy and I was actually running,
I was not toned and fit, but by the end of my dream I was.
I just kept running, and then I turned around and
I ran all the way back to the building.
The sweat felt great running down my back,
my arms had been swinging by my sides as I ran,
I was an athlete, capable and fit,
exhilerated, proud, confident.
And I awoke,
this was like a message to me,
saying you know what you have to do,
now get to it.
In the doctors office I had started to cry when I saw him,
and I said that every year I have gotten worse in the last seven years,
and that because of my immobility some days,
I said to him, with all my issues
and please tell it to me straight,
Do you think I am gonna check out of here soon.
And then I burst into tears.
There was silence in the room, I could see the pained look on my husbands face,
My doctor replied, the weight does not help, and because I have Narcolepsy with Severe Cataplexy,
and sleep so much he understands how hard it is for me to be active...
but everything else is fine,
no high blood pressure,
no high cholesterol,
no diabetes,
don't drink,
don't smoke.
He told me that to keep trying
to do what I can.
So never having dreamed about exercising before,
I believe that walking has to be the answer for me.
for my health to get better.
I know I can do it now.
really what other choice
do I have.
I  really am in the best time of my life,
I don't mind how I look,
I love who I am..
i did not plan on getting sick,
no one does, but I need to do 
everything I can to help myself.
I try to embrace everyday.
I am loving myself 
to do this,
so I can 
live my 

and be able to move around.
Maybe it was a message from God,
or my Dad, or my subconsious.
Whatever the reason.
I got the message.
Sorry to ramble on and on,
but I needed to say it.
After all it is about time.


  1. You know I support you ..... as well as being inspired by you. You will get there!

    Have you thought of exercising on a recumbant exercise bicycle or a rowing machine? Does your local swimming pool run sessions for people who have different needs - ie where they might have more lifeguards who are aware of your condition?

    You sound like you have lost a little confidence ..... which is hardly surprising in your situation. Take baby steps forward and before you know it you will have made a big difference.

    Good luck and thinking of you xxxxx

  2. What a powerful dream Cinner! I can see why you want to start moving. Well good for you...just take one step at a time. When I started walking, I could get to the end of my driveway and then turn around. That was it. Now I walk 45 minutes! I just took my time and added distance a little at a time.
    Have a great day!

  3. Walking.....good on you Cinner!! I'm sure that it will work if you keep to it....I have more than 50kgs to lose, maybe we can do it together someway!! :D have a fantastic day... I think of you often too, but have little time these days with the business and just when you think you can take a breather.....somebody else wants something else done!!! Thats okay,,,,I'm really enjoying it!
    Chat soon beautiful lady
    Love from your friend in Aussie

  4. Walking is good, Cinner - I see alot of people in wheelchairs
    that do "Sitter-size" whereby they don't even have to stand up!
    Also they use a device that looks like a bike peddler....
    They put it on a table, and move their arms.
    Or on the floor and move their legs!
    Or even resistance bands! Or stretching.
    Even deep breathing is a form of exercise!

    Don't be fooled by the hype of "all-or-nothing!"
    There's almost always something you can do!
    And you're doing it great, Cinner!

  5. you made me tear up and smile al in one...there is hope and maybe that dream gave you just what you need...thoughts and prayers...

  6. It would be natural and human to get down once in awhile with all you contend with every day. If you believe the dream may be telling you something then it is. If you want to be walking and getting exercise, you can do it. Some people love exercise and you may be one of those people. You are a resilient and resourceful woman, and you will find a walking buddy or an indoor place to walk. We have a place here in this little town that has racquetball and basketball courts in the entire downstairs area and the upstairs is a place to walk laps. It is like a gym and you have to join. There are solutions to every problem. You will find something that works for you.

  7. Oh Cinner I do understand your predicament. My arthritis is so bad that it keeps me from doing many things. My Ortho doctor actually suggested that I give up the working out on machines as it was harming my knees more. Not to mention I kept getting injuries. So what do you do?
    I have been trying to ride my bike here and there. Not as much pressure on the knees.
    I know that your dream was exactly that. You had the dream because it is your dream to be able to do more to get in better shape.
    It is my dream too as I see the lbs. adding up. So I guess the best thing that we can do is try and stay as active AS POSSIBLE!
    I have had two strokes from high blood pressure and cholesterol. So it is imperative for me to do SOMETHING!
    I will be thinking and praying for you. We just have to NOT GIVE UP, my friend. That's the bottom line. Good Luck to you!
    Love Di ♥

  8. I wish you well, i think walking is a great idea.

  9. HI my friend

    Dreams can be life changing - as is true with yours. It is a glorious day - keep believing in yourself and celebrate your freedoms and challenge your limitations. I love you girl

  10. You know what you can handle and so go with that instinct/dream and do what ever works for you. Do not let your fear take over but at the same time do not give in to those fears and not trust our own mind. I have faith in you my friend!! good luck!

  11. ((hugs)) and then, more ((hugs))

    do what you can, I agree - something no matter how small, is something. in the words of teddy roosevelt "do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

    i want you around a long, long, long time.

  12. I love the fact that all of your posts always end so positively with dreams for your future... I wish you buckets filled with luck... we'll be with you all the way Cinner

  13. hugs sweet girl....hugs !

    and if you can walk around the block and that's it for today....that's steps. maybe you can walk when your hubby is home from work so he can be with you....

    and my mom has been doing aquasize for years now....she loves it and it's the only exercise she does. granted, she's not worrying about falling asleep and drowning.....and what about acupuncture...did they ever mention that to you ? i like that for just about anything and everything :)

    again...big sweet hugs to you and then let's have a cup of tea :)

  14. What about bicycle at home, Cinner? I tried it and it was not bad after all. But do what you can in a relaxed way, baby steps lead to greater steps!

  15. Just walking in place might help get you started Cinner...done often and long enough in the privacy of your safe home to build up yout stamina...Do water exercises with a life jacket or walk with a partner. Surely there is help of some sort. Wishing you luck.

  16. I call that dream divine guidance for you. You got a big yes that your are going get through this rough time.
    Walking is the best form of exercise to me. Don't need fancy equipment and you can set your own pace.
    Take one day at a time and believe you can be where you want to be with your health.

  17. I love good dreams like that, where you can see clearly what you want and it feels so good. I can see how hard it is for you, but you can do it! Make the dream a reality!

  18. Hi Wanda, it is funny you say that, I did today.walking on the spot that is. I was outside a bit today too. I am so grateful for the support. thank you.

    Monica, thankyou yes baby steps so that I don't overdo it, and then can not do it. It is the only thing I have never been able to do on my own...but I am in much better spirits today for sure. take care.

    You know Beth I did acupuncture years ago, it worked for a bit and now money is an issue, but I should call and check about it. I did the baby steps today. I could of sat in that chair with you though today. hugs and thank you.

    ED, thank you ,bucket fulls of luck, how awesome, I am in much better spirits today. after I read your should be a comedian. take care and thank you for being you.

    Char, thank you, I love that quote, very occasionally I feel overwhelmed, today I feel much better. and yes I want to be around for a long time too. I hope you had fun tonight.

    Cora, thank you....yes those fears that show up every once in a while. I will get this on track. I did walk today, with the cold air from all our snow....I felt good today. hope you are well.

    Gail, thank you...I thought of you today, there was a protest about getting funding for MS funding for our health care. have you been feeling are so strong, I want to be like that. most days I am,,,,but everyonce in a while. love you too.

  19. Shell thankyou. I think it was guidance for sure. I did walk today and somehow I feel much more hopeful today. Thank you so much for your support. hugs to you.

    Nurses Curses, yes a reality, I am going to work so hard on it...wait till you see me at your wedding...I'll be the short cute aunt looking at the beautiful bride. glad you are doing so good in your course. take care.

    Diana, yes we have to keep doing it. I did walk on the spot and seemed more active today than in a while, so I Feel more positive about it today. The word you used Imperative...absolutely,,,I will pray for you that we can both do this. thank you so much for your support...I am glad our paths have crossed. take care, hugs

    Iassa, thank you, I have been meaning to get by for a visit,,,I had a good day today,,,take care.

    TechnoBabe, thank you for your kind words, You had a good idea about walking indoors, I will check that out. I did walk on the spot today for awhile a few times throughout the day. I guess I have to start somewhere. I really appreciate you, just so you know. take care.

    Brian, thanks...I made you tear up, you made me cry in my kleenex today with your post about your I have been thinking about it all day. take care

    Anne, sitter size, I have seen one of those things for the tables. I may just need to check that out. I did walking on the spot 3 separate times today. i am in a much better frame of mind. thank you. big hug to my little friend. lol

    Kathie, it was so nice to have you visit, I always check to see what your up today, and wondering about your friday night classes. I would love for us both to meet our goals. good luck. I am glad your business is doing so well. Take care

    SueAnn, that is just what I needed to hear. to walk 45 minutes again, I would be in heaven,,,,so everyday, today i did some walking on the spot 3 separate times of the day. I am so proud of all that you have accomplished. hugs to you.

    Cambridgelady...I have not tried the rowing machine, I do have a stair stepper, the walking I think will be the best place to start for me... I played every sport in highschool, won medals...of course that will be 3o years next year....I think I have slipped a little, ,,,,I will do this I want it bad enough. thankyou for all you do, your a darling.

  20. Oh I do think your dream was sent to you tell you to walk..just a little bit at a time. Best wishes my friend!!

  21. Hehe - Cinner called me little!!!


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