A year ago I had recently started blogging, our family were suddenly called home as my Dad was waiting to have hip surgery. He went in on a Wednesday and passed away on a Saturday. It was sudden and unexpected. It took six months for us to even find out what had gone wrong, but basically his body just shut down. The last year has had some major ups and downs, not only were we dealing with the loss of our father, but all those feelings that go along with grief. one day I was sad, crying, angry, laughing, but most of all I experienced a feeling of just being lost, and kept questioning how could have this happened. Anyway somehow we get through it, what a growing process it has been. One thing that helped this process were my friends in Blog land. I came home after staying with my Mom for about 3 weeks and was surprised by the kindness of basically strangers at that point, I had been sent cards and letters, pictures, all with such loving sentiments. I even had correspondence with a gentleman that helped me work through some of my feelings and make sense of the whole process I was going through. He told me things about my Dad and I that was not possible for anyone to know, Forever he will remain a wonderful soul that helped a stranger out of the kindness of his heart. One thing I do know is that what seems impossible to get through. somehow we do and life goes on, but their spirit is with you every day. They are a part of you and the bond you had is constant in life and in death. I am not writing any of this for anyone to be sad for me, My Dad lived a simple life, he was a farmer, He taught us good values, hard work ethics, to love nature, to respect others. to enjoy a laugh, love of family. Two days before he died he was still farming at 75 years old. My husband and I had a visit with my parents 3 weeks before he passed away and we had a great visit with them. I had told my Dad then, that I thought he should slow down a bit, sit back watch the birds that he enjoyed so much. He said, How old do you think I am.? I don't have time to sit and watch birds all day long....I wish he would have relaxed more at his age, but he was happy doing what he did everyday. He would take us for drives to see the crops and he would say do you see those weeds over there, truth be known I never did figure it out. What I did figure out
was that I loved my Dad and he loved all of us. He would have done everything for his family and today as I write this I don't feel saddness, I feel at peace knowing he is in a better place, with a lot of friends and his family that have passed before him. My Mom devoted her whole life taking care of him and I have seen her grow so much in the last year. I am so proud of her for this. I have 2 sisters and a brother, and we have all been on our own journey over the last year, all dealing with our grief in ways that work for each of us.It is true that when someone dies, you see the best of your family, and I think in grief you sometimes see the worst as well.....but somehow we all work through it and grow as individuals. We realize the importance of every moment and what a truly wonderful gift life is. We all have choices on how we live our lifes and what is important for each person. Every day that passes my love for him increases as I remember more and more things that did not seem important at the time. his voice, his hands, his eyes, his math skills, his humor, and the list goes on and on .........All that is important was that I loved him and he loved me and the rest of us.
Sometimes it was not easy for him to show it, and none of that matters now, because we all know it.
I love you Dad and miss you!
I had wanted to post this at the end of the month, but my older sister and I are off to the farm to be there for my Mom, on this the first year. We are going to help Mom with some yard work and simplifying her flower beds. She knows I can't do much but she said if I have to sit on an chair and supervise I could, that is hardly likely to happen....I will try not to overdo it. I will just be glad as this will be the last first. We found it hard, first Fathers Day, first Birthday, first Christmas, first year that he was not here....when there is love we can get through so much more than we realize in life. I have always lived by the motto, that I have never asked for an easy life, but for strength to get through any problems! So there is no computer at the farm, so I will be out of touch for about one week. I will be thinking of you, probably having blog withdrawal, but I will visit all of you as soon as I get back.
love and cherish those close too you.
May we live our lives to the fullest!