Monday, May 24, 2010

My Dad

John Charles
My Dad
A year ago I had recently started blogging, our family were suddenly called home as my Dad was waiting to have hip surgery. He went in on a Wednesday and passed away on a Saturday. It was sudden and unexpected. It took six months for us to even find out what had gone wrong, but basically his body just shut down. The last year has had some major ups and downs, not only were we dealing with the loss of our father, but all those feelings that go along with grief. one day I was sad, crying, angry, laughing, but most of all I experienced a feeling of just being lost, and kept questioning how could have this happened. Anyway somehow we get through it, what a growing process it has been. One thing that helped this process were my friends in Blog land. I came home after staying with my Mom for about 3 weeks and was surprised by the kindness of basically strangers at that point, I had been sent cards and letters, pictures, all with such loving sentiments. I even had correspondence with a gentleman that helped me work through some of my feelings and make sense of the whole process I was going through. He told me things about my Dad and I that was not possible for anyone to know, Forever he will remain a wonderful soul that helped a stranger out of the kindness of his heart. One thing I do know is that what seems impossible to get through. somehow we do and life goes on, but their spirit is with you every day. They are a part of you and the bond you had is constant in life and in death. I am not writing any of this for anyone to be sad for me, My Dad lived a simple life, he was a farmer, He taught us good values, hard work ethics, to love nature, to respect others. to enjoy a laugh, love of family. Two days before he died he was still farming at 75 years old. My husband and I had a visit with my parents 3 weeks before he passed away and we had a great visit with them. I had told my Dad then, that I thought he should slow down a bit, sit back watch the birds that he enjoyed so much. He said, How old do you think I am.? I don't have time to sit and watch birds all day long....I wish he would have relaxed more at his age, but he was happy doing what he did everyday. He would take us for drives to see the crops and he would say do you see those weeds over there, truth be known I never did figure it out. What I did figure out
was that I loved my Dad and he loved all of us. He would have done everything for his family and today as I write this I don't feel saddness, I feel at peace knowing he is in a better place, with a lot of friends and his family that have passed before him. My Mom devoted her whole life taking care of him and I have seen her grow  so much in the last year. I am so proud of her for this. I have 2 sisters and a brother, and we have all been on our own journey over the last year, all dealing with our grief in ways that work for each of us.It is true that when someone dies, you see the best of your family, and I think in grief  you sometimes see the worst as well.....but somehow we all work through it and grow as individuals. We realize the importance of every moment and what a truly wonderful gift life is. We all have choices on how we live our lifes and what is important for each person. Every day that passes my love for him increases as I remember more and more things that did not seem important at the time. his voice, his hands, his eyes, his math skills, his humor, and the list goes on and on .........All that is important was that I loved him and he loved me and the rest of us.
Sometimes it was not easy for him to show it, and none of that matters now, because we all know it.
I love you Dad and miss you!
I had wanted to post this at the end of the month, but my older sister and I are off to the farm to be there for my Mom, on this the first year. We are going to help Mom with some yard work and simplifying her flower beds. She knows I can't do much but she said if I have to sit on an chair and supervise I could, that is hardly likely to happen....I will try not to overdo it. I will just be glad as this will be the last first. We found it hard, first Fathers Day, first Birthday, first Christmas, first year that he was not here....when there is love we can get through so much more than we realize in life. I have always lived by the motto, that I have never asked for an easy life, but for strength to get through any problems!  So there is no computer at the farm, so I will be out of touch for about one week. I will be thinking of you, probably having blog withdrawal, but I will visit all of you as soon as I get back.
love and cherish those close too you.
May we live our lives to the fullest!


  1. I did not know about your Dad, since I haven't known you for a year, but please accept my condolences on a loss of a very important person in your life. You have a wonderful perspective on life and honoring the people close to you. Have a good visit with your family.
    The Olde Bagg, Linda

  2. Thank you Linda, Dad and I were so much alike, stubborn we could be oh my. I will visit as soon as I get back, hugs to you. Take care.

  3. Very touching, Cinner. It shows how much you are love by your father and how much you love him, too. Sorry for the loss. Take care.

  4. Well Bless you Cinner, I know what you are going through. The grief never really ends. Blog friends have helped me through it so much.I am sure your mom will appreciate the help and company. We will miss you!
    Love Di ♥

  5. It is good to be with your mom. I am very sorry about the loss of your dad. It is never easy to say goodbye.Dee

  6. Oh, Cinner...I'm so sorry. I wish I'd known you at that time...but I'm so glad I know you now...Will keep you in my prayers during this time. And we'll see you when you return! Love, Janine XO

  7. Oh Cinner-- Your Dad was so handsome and so young. I am so sorry for your loss. It's wonderful that you can be with your Mom and I hope you all find comfort being together.

    Take good care of yourself.


  8. Wow, Cinner!
    What a crazy wonderful year we've all had here in Blogland.
    And lots and lots of memories!
    See ya when ya get back, eh?

  9. I relate so well to this post. I feel like you have written my feeling about my father.
    You said "somehow we do and life goes on, but their spirit is with you every day" and this is so true it has almost been 9 years since the passing of my dad and his spirit is still as strong as the day he died.

    I am happy that some of your pain is easing and life is returning to normal even though it can never be the same.

  10. Sorry about your loss, Cinner. A touching post. Sending a big HUG your way, and lots of positive vibes.

    one love, my friend.

  11. I think have an idea of just how proud he was of you.

  12. What a beautiful post! Been meaning to get over here for awhile to say thank you for all the comments you leave on my blog.

    Your post shows how much you loved your father and how much your father loved you. Isn't it wonderful that we both had fathers who loved us? And my dad was a farmer also! Well, growing up in Germany they lived on a farm and my father was always telling us stories of his farm life during the war.

    Hope you have a nice visit with your mom and have happy memories!

  13. Lois, thank you for your lovely comment, we are very lucky indeed. Your Dad was a farmer, look at us little country girls. I hope you are feeling better, and have a good weekend. take care.

    Dennis, thanks, I learned a lot in the last year. take care.

    Se'lah, thank you for your kind words. I am so looking forward to getting to the farm, it is still home even though I am all grown up. lol. take care.

    Liss, you made me cry, I know exactly what you mean. There has not been one day I have never thought of him. It is weird because I feel he is around and that every thing is all okay. hugs to you, we could share a drink and have a few laughs I am sure. Take care, be well.

    Anne, yes it has been a crazy year for so many of us, thank you for being in my life. You make a difference, and I so admire what you do. take care

    Joanna, Thank you, it is surprising how fast this year went by. poof. I am glad we will be seeing Mom tomorrow. Hope you have a great weekend. it is your long weekend right. be well.

    Janine, thank you so much, I am glad I have met you. Every Saturday I visit your blog and somehow you have made a difference. I am glad our paths have crossed. be well, I will visit as soon as I get back. hugs

    Dee, thank you, it was such a shock, we walked around in a daze for I am sure a month or more. We all know he would have said now quit your blubbering. lol. THE things we remember. take care, hope you are well.

    Diana, thank you for your kind words, blogland helped me a lot that is for sure, somehow easier to vent here than in person...I try to be the strong one, how that happened I don't know. I will be glad to get home. I hope you are feeling well, take care, hugs.

    Sashindoubutsu thank you for your kind words, we did love each other a lot, I sometimes look in the mirror and scare myself, I see such a resemblance take care, be well.

  14. I am so sorry you lost your Dad. I keep trying to think of some good words of comfort to give you... Nothing. I know there are no words to comfort for the loss of a parent. I guess all I can really say is, "We're here. We're listening."

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