Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Surprising Day

I had three wonderful things happen today, The first is that while I was outside one of the bluejays came for a visit. It did not stay long. I have to get more peanuts. Their colors are so beautiful. The second thing is my Mom called today and there was a condolence card from a long lost friend that I have not seen or heard from since I was twenty years old. She gave me her email in the card, and I sent her a long email tonight. I was on a very different path when I was 20 than I am on now. I sent a letter to her parents about 15 years ago to forward to their daughter. I never heard from her until now. I had mixed feelings when i emailed her, where do you start, what do you say, the words just poured out from my heart , there is nothing else I can do. I hope she stays in touch. I told her that it had taken me a long time to get to where I am, without my bad choices I could not have arrived where I am today. Besides is that not what growing up is! Sometimes I joke and say if I knew I would get a ridiculous illness at 40, maybe I should have partied more. You have to laugh or you would sit and cry and what good would that do, I would then have great big red swollen eyes, no thankyou. Last night I stumbled by a new blog, and I went back today to visit her blog, she is my new follower named Gail, After reading some of her posts I read that she has been diagnosed with M.S. I also read the most relevant statement to my life, She said, "I am scared of my weakness, of my own brokeness." I have thought about that all day today. That is exactly how I felt when I first became ill, I like to be in control of my life, but suddenly it was controlling me. When I read her posts, it made me feel like I've been there, etc! I don't feel broken anymore because I came to terms with it and accepted that there was no operaation and no cure for it, but that with medication, regular sleep and schedules I would be okay. I don't think of me as having a disability because when I see me, I am still the same person. I certainly have isolated myself to a few close friends and family members that understand the situation! You may want to check out Gails blog at

My wish for you all today is that may you never feel that you are broken, I wish for a day filled with happy thoughts and a day where you might inspire just one person. It really could be life changing. I wish you enjoy every moment! Life is a gift. Enjoy.


  1. Hi Cinner-

    I feel so honored that you spoke of me and that you 'linked' my blog to your posts. And the words you quoted of mine? Do you recall which post they were from?
    I truly understand how you feel about your friend from 20 ears ago. I hope that you both find your way to a new friendship.
    I am having a MRI today, certainly not my favorite thing to do. But after me and my husband are going to a pub we really like for drinks and apps!! :-)

    I am so blessed to have a wonderful man in my life. We are good together, really good. I/we paid our dues before we found each other - but we have and it is quite wpnderful.

    again, "thank you" for your lovely words about me, I feel so honored. I am so happy to know you.

    Love Gail

  2. I think you are amazing and handle all that you go through with beautiful control and strength... and give inspiration to the rest of us

  3. Gail, I found the intention from August 6, 2008, I have to double check for you, I went quite aways back and can definately relate to some of your hardships.I hope your MRI goes okay, have fun with hubby after. Your a wonderful person and keep strong. Take care.

    Thanks Beth, I don't think you would say that if you saw me blow my top! Oh and when I do I can jump almost as high as you. Lol...P.S. That son of yours is a real looker, He must have girls swarming around him. Have a great day.

  4. Hi cinner, what a heartfelt post you have written today.....Gail is also a friend of mine through blogging and she too expresses herself in an honest way. You know cinner I am a diabetic, I have arthritis and am a breast cancer survivor....I have never let any of these things control my life, it is what it is and though sometimes they interrupt my life I have learned to live with the challenges I have and I have a productive and happy life. We decide if we are going to be happy and content no matter what happens. We may have no control over having these diseases but we have full control over how we deal with them. I prefer to deal and live a healthy and happy life, just refuse to give in to anything and keep moving.....we are all unique, all special and react the best way we can. What is right for me may not be for someone else and what is right for them may not be for me. In our own way I think we all "deal" to the best of our abilities.
    Have a wonderful day my inspirational friend, am sending you many hugs.....:-)

  5. Bernie, you have been through are a strong woman and you are right we do deal to the best of our abilities. You have a great day too, thanks for sharing with me.

    Gail, it was from your post october 20, Imagine. Take care.

  6. beautiful shot - there is a song that I remind my self often that says "we are all broken in the most beautiful places". to me that means that even though we are broken, that we are worthy of love broken or not. we are stronger with the cracks.

  7. First - the bluejay. gasp, tears flowing ... we raised a baby bluejay that fell out of its nest and smashed a wing; Cheep was his name, and for some reason he chose ME as 'his person' ... I saw that photo here and finally understood how Cheep was meant to be, physically ... but at the same time he would never have gotten the kind of love, little baths, treats, attention, and long blond hair to preen every night that he got from us/me. Maybe being broken allows light to get in places that wouldn't have seen it otherwise, do you think?

  8. Yes, Toni, I think you're right. Anything that is broken gets more spaces in it to allow good in and to let more good out.

    Whole is nice. But, whole after being broken open like a fortune cookie? Even better.

  9. Holly and Toni, are you sure your not sisters, because you sure do think alike. I guess its like when I break something and glue it back together, it still has the same importance, if not more...You too should start billing me! lol.good luck Holly today with your writing interview. Fingers and toes crossed for you.

    Char thankyou, that means alot coming from you. I had to wait for hours, There were four that came that day. Also do you know the name of that song. Please let me know if you do, Take care and I hope you have a great day.

  10. Lovely blue jay. That is a blessing for sure to have one come visit and you be able to get a picture of it. I know what it is to be broken. But I now know what it is to be healed and whole. You are a survivor and a warrior and I admire that in you.

  11. i have been broken. i know this feeling. to come back together again, by my own heart is such an amazing thing. i won't give up.
    you are such a beautiful light. can't wait to visit gail.

  12. TechnoBabe, I am a survivor, you know you just have to be though. It seems we all have been broken a time or two. The bluejay I sat in my pjs on on the deck for about 2 hours to get that shot. Take care,

    Christina, I love your amazing heart. I will never give up either. One day we will walk by the ocean and have a chit chat. Big hug.

  13. This is very good, Cinner.
    Why do we define ourselves by all the things we CANNOT do, when there are thousands of things we CAN do?
    And DO every day?
    A bluebird of happiness came to spread the news!

  14. I admire your strength & courage, Cinner!
    I have had many struggles in my life but am always so very thankful for each & every day & love my life through the good and not so good!

    May you always be blessed!

    P. S Love that beautiful!

  15. sister i am so happy you had a wonderful day, and i am so glad that you have this blog land to express your feelings and thoughts thru. I love you always.

  16. Penquin,you too ha ha. love you.

    Margie, it seems we all have had our share of struggles, and if we can get through it all, that is what living is all about.

    Anne H, Not sure, but thinking about it sometimes I have fallen into what i can't do anymore. big deal, your right it is about what we can do now.
    Ladie, I love my bluejays, have only the one this year, for the last 6 or 7 years I have had 4 that come. I knew they were the same as there was one who always looked a little differnt, kinda like a kamakazi bluebird. LOL.

  17. Once I was wearing "shocking pink" scrubs and a humming bird came up to me. I thought it was a huge bug at first. He must have thought I was the biggest lunch he had ever seen!

  18. Anne if he saw ,e he would have thought he had lunch for a week. LMAO.

  19. Cinner thanks for the kindness your blog spreads. you are truly an incredible women and I'm humbled by you love. thanks for always taking the time to come over to my blog and comment you make me happy. You just made my night...I'm off to bed and thinking of you. My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight...god speed my cinner.

    With great love

  20. jb, your a darlin and have an incredible way of writing. I just finished lmao about your new girl with the strawberry on her head...Remember there are always better days ahead.


Thank you for taking the time to leave me a comment. I value your opinion and your friendship.