Sunday, August 16, 2009

No pretending Here


My pond in the back yard, could have been a nice picture, but lurking in behind the rock is the garden hose. I love photography and I have a few blogs that I follow that take the most fabulous photos. It is amazing what they can do, I guess like staging a house when you want to sell it, you maybe have to stage a picture..That I could do I suppose. What I could not do is stage anything about myself! This is who I am, take it or leave it kinda girl, large and in charge baby! If someone has an issue with my weight, well theres the door, this is who I am, you either love me or leave me. It is sad that often we are judged on the outside, which I don't think is half bad! I choose to see inner beauty first, for that is the magic in an individual. I think you can tell instantly if someone is kind, caring, and genuine! I pray today that I can be strong when I am around a certain individual who loves to press my buttons. You teach people how to treat you, so I am the responsible one that bites my tongue because she is older and is my husbands mother. My husband has spoken to her too, but we may as well beat our heads against a wall. I am thinking of writing a letter, but then I will come across as being all dramatic. So what would you do to handle this, or would you even bother? I could really use your insight on this! Have a great Sunday. I don't like to complain, there is just so much more to me than my weight that it is very frustrating. I just want to be loved as I am...is that too much to ask for!

11 comments:

  1. no insights on an early sunday morning, jut sending prayers of peace and clarity with the situation.

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  2. Thankyou so much Brandi. you ar a joy rebel.

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  3. What kinds of things does your mother-in-law say or do that are unkind or upsetting to you? How often are you with her? How much influence does she have on her son? If you and your husband set your boundaries, does your mother-in-law honor those boundaries? Too many unknowns to offer any suggestions, but you know you are a beautiful person and your husband knows that and we do too.

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  4. The question is not that she presses your buttons. The question is, what is it that she brings out in you that needs your attention. In other words, why does she upset you so?

    I've found that it's not the person so much as it's that they activate something about me that needs to be healed, nurtured, loved more. Supported.

    And, once I've done that...there are no more buttons to be had.

    So, how is that she makes you feel? And, if someone you really loved was telling you about those feelings, what would you lovingly suggest to them to be helpful?

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  5. Cinner, I feel for you. How sad that your mother in law pushes your buttons. It would seem that she knows she is doing it, as you have said your husband has also spoken to her about it. You are such I lovely and positive person, I would feel sorry for her if I was you, because she will not let herself realise what a wonderful person you are to have in her life. I do realise that writing a letter may seem dramatic, but it may seem the best way. Best of luck and I think you are wonderful!

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  6. Take your power back sweetie, why give your MIL the power to decide if you are going to have a nice day or not.....That is for you to decide.
    If you are feeling insecure, unfortunately people like her will sense it and push those insecure buttons. If you are secure, there will be nothing that she can say that will upset you....the calmer and more secure you feel, she will sense that too and eventually back away as she will not be getting the desired reaction she wanted.
    You can do this, just show her that you love yourself inside and outside. She has no power over that.......Good Luck and many Hugs..:-)

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  7. families can be so complicated but I will say this, as much as you love your husband just remember this is his only mother. as bad (or good) as she can be, she will be that way. i recommend trying to find a way to tuck those buttons away (if you can) so she can't push them. realize she has insecurity problems if she is being rude or mean - as she is saying bad things, go to a happy place in your mind and imagine how ridiculous she would look if she was say, dressed up like ronald mcdonald. find the humor. don't write the letter - do not put ammunition in her hands to drive any wedges in the family. and unfortunately (or not) - she will not be around forever.

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  8. Thanks everyone for responding, She has had 6 children and is physically fit. She does not understand what my illness is all about, she believes if I lost weight I could go back to work. I have printed her information about it, and it is always back to the weight. Now I am trying to take it off and have been doing well. How does she make me feel? Angry that she brings it up and that I am not as complete as I should be because I am overweight. Love me as I am, and does this remind mee of anything, yes my Mom when I was younger. I am 45 years old and I am a smart cookie, but when it comes to this it makes me cringe! Love me for the good in me, thats all I want. I know I can't change her, that I have to change me, when I say something I think okay now she knows exactly how I feel. And next time it will be, your not feeling well, have you gained weight? I was a big girl when her son married me. Somedays are good, like today she told me I looked good, that I must have lost some weight. I was exhausted when I was there, but I never let on. So today was a good one and I am not going to give her the power over me anymore. Thanks for all your support. No more complaining for 6 months, how does that sound. LOL. i HOPE YOUR Sunday was a good one. Have a good night, I am off to rest.

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  9. Char thanks for making me laugh, no I am not going to write a letter, I like the ronald Macdonald idea. No I won't put ammunition in her hands and see I always seem to make a joke about it when she says something, so on the outside I am okay, but on the inside I had my feelings hurt. She just does not do this to just me, so I really try to let it go, but there is that odd day...I will do just fine, Thankyou char. I hope you got everything done this weekend. Thanks again.

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  10. this is my boss and me in a nutshell, and much as it PISSES ME OFF to admit it, Holly is right ... these kinds of psycho or uncomfortable interactions, if they get a reaction from me, mean there's still something I (me, moi, Toni) need to see about myself, figure out. Annoying. I also love what Bernie wrote ... how challenging that it's your mother in law, too, not someone you can just edit out of your life. But your man has your back, and you know what the truth is ... if MIL wants to harp on weight? I dunno ... I'd say give her a big huge hug and laugh and say, 'Now THAT'S what fat can do, Mom!'

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  11. I refuse to believe that you are at all to blame for the viciousness that your MIL is capable of. The fact you react negatively to the vitriol I have repeatedly listened to her spew does NOT make YOU the problem.

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