A Moment of Truth.....

I sat on my bed sorting through my medications,

filling my morning, afternoon and evening requirements.

The necessities for me to be able to stand without falling,

to be able to be awake for about 3 hours at a time.

While sorting I could not help but think I just want to throw

them all out, that maybe I could just wave a magic wand

and be my old self again.....Why am I even thinking like this,

I know I am lucky to have the medicine, and to have

the information to understand the situation.

I read other blogs and their struggles with life

threatening illnesses and their courage and strength,

and I know I have that within me,

but for right now I feel as if I just want to scream

as I sort through the rainbow of colors,

blue, yellow, purple, green, white,

round ones, square, oval,

I throw them against the wall,

and the tears roll down my face,

feeling guilty that I am having a moment,

writing about it rather than saying

I am just fine.

My husband comes to the room and holds me.

He lets me cry until I feel silly that I am being such a baby,

We talk about it and he makes me laugh,

and somehow I feel stronger,

nothing like a good cry 

and then I pull myself up by my bootstraps,

and we face the world together

knowing how lucky and truly blessed we are!

Until next time,

Cinner